Last Updated (Tuesday, 26 August 2008 08:26) Written by Pig Saturday, 23 August 2008 10:02
Kimberly Jernigan liked Second Life. As is surprisingly common with the residents of SL, she met a special someone. Though her avatar was a woman, and his was a lion, the two began a cross-species romance, and eventually fell in love. She and her virtual boyfriend eventually met in real life but, sadly, it didn't work out. The boyfriend didn't want to continue the real life romance.
Kimberly was having none of that. The lion-man would be hers. This is LOVE, dammit, and her virtual boyfriend would be her real life boyfriend, come hell or high water. So Kimberly hatched an incredibly intelligent plan:
1. Kimberly drove to the lion-man's place of work, and attempted to kidnap him at gunpoint (as everyone knows, forcing someone to love you by kidnapping them works almost every time). Unfortunately, the kidnapping attempt failed.
2. Using her love-driven determination, she found her lion-love's home address. Cagey lion-man that he was, he'd moved (maybe because he was afraid of gun-toting women showing up unannounced?) and left no forwarding address.
3. Kimberly then posed as a postal worker, and was able to find her lover's NEW address.
4. She broke into his apartment, ready to ambush her lover when he came home. For reasons unknown, she'd brought her dog Gogi with her. When Gogi made too much noise (dogs really don't make good accomplices during ambush-kidnappings), she tied him up with duct tape in the bathroom.
5. Her virtual lion-love came home, found a strange woman and a duct-taped dog in his apartment, and became, you know, concerned. When she pointed a laser sight at him, he fled and called the police.
6. Police chased Kimberly down and, after a struggle, restrained and arrested her.
Kimberly is looking at charges of attempted kidnapping, burglary, and aggravated menacing. The local SPCA is also looking to pursue possible animal abuse charges as a result of that little misunderstanding involving duct-taping her dog while she was, um, visiting her virtual-boyfriend's apartment.
She's apparently looking at a minimum of 10 years if convicted of all charges. She's hoping her lion-love will wait for her.
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