My Island In the Sea

I have this thing that I do. Call me crazy or whatever, but doing this one little thing helps me to get over all the other huge things that piss me off. Wanna know what the little thing is? No sense in answering me, I’m gonna tell you anyway.

I sit very quiet, almost meditatively, and I imagine a great, big island out in the middle of the ocean. Lush and green, surrounded by crystal clear water. It’s quite a peaceful thought really, isn’t it?

Then, I imagine all the people and countries in the world that I can’t stand, drinking fruity boat drinks on that island: Republic of China, Pauly Shore, Tom Leykis, Barbara Streisand, Eyonix, Phil Donahue, Jack Thompson….you get the picture.

After a while, I imagine a beautiful B-2 Spirit bomber taking off from an unknown air base in an unknown country and flying to that peaceful island in my imagination. The bomber drops an elite AGM-158 air to surface missile and blows the whole darn thing up, Eyonix and all!!!!

A few days ago, Pig posted some Goblin-worthy news on the poor, yellow-mouthed LaRouche. Almost bi-weekly, we have a Jack Thompson piece up and some anti-Schwarzenegger (sorry to those who love him, I thought he was cool until he started messing with my gaming rights) fodder. Now the SJMN which supports that whole camp of idiots is on my poop list.

The question I ask is, why is it all of the sudden politically cool, to pick on gaming? Since when is gaming the cause of so much world-strife?

The truth is, it’s not.

It doesn’t cause world hunger, it’s not linked to AIDS and I can’t remember when a legion of Flood landed on Earth and attempted to wipe out the human race.

Rhymes With Douche

Lyndon LaRouche is a political psychopath who had his fifteen minutes of fame in 1970. He’s managed to make it onto every presidential ballot since the 80’s, well, that is, until he had a starring roll behind bars. Now, he’s trying to get his fame again, this time by making outlandish claims against online and video games, their developers and the people that play them. He’d be the Hitler of the millenium if he just didn’t sound so completely over the top (but then, so did Hitler). He has the zesty zeal of L. Ron Hubbard, a face like Emperor Palpatine and acid spews from his lips. Check it:

Here’s what Lyndon LaRouche and his weird followers, The LaRouche Youth Movement have to say:

My response:

• The psycho who shot up Virginia Tech, hadn’t played video games in years, if at all and he was clinically insane, often suffering from bouts of anxiety and depression from a very young age.
• It is entirely impossible for EVE Online to be linked in any way to unleashing the “New Dark Age”. It’s a scifi game. It takes place in space, not anywhere near Earth, the deepest darkest reaches space….somewhere near Pluto. Which proves that these guys have no idea what these games even are. These guys are selling snake-oil.
• Halo 3 just released, its awesome. I love it. I’m not weird.
• Some would argue that gaming is an art form and the development of one absolutely is. Those who disagree with this fact wouldn’t know a Picaso if it slapped them upside the head.
• It has been historically proven that when we listen to psycho fascists who believe in conspiracy theories because they didn’t get enough hugs from their daddy’s, turn into war-mongering political wackos with youth programs named after them….eh hem….HITLER! (Hitler Youth Program…LaRouche Youth Program? Coincidence?).

In Silicon Valley,the land of technology, one newspaper is in support of restricting the purchase of video games at a retail level. It’s not enough for them and their editors that all forms of games are rated and contain detailed descriptions of what violence may be seen by children. This is no different than the ratings that are put on movies.

To be fair, they’re mostly concerned about how easy it is for children to purchase these games themselves. For example, one of the editors sends his 16 year old son into the store to purchase Stranglehold, a M17+ rated game, full of blood and violence. The teen leaves the store successfully and the store doesn’t control the purchase.

Could anyone else see that coming? The store is just interested in making money. Hell, maybe his kid looks older than he really is. Whatever the case may be I’d care a lot more if he sent his 7 year old son instead and still got the same result. The whole experiment was a cheap shot and put the retail store at an unfair disadvantage.

I’m surprised that this particular newspaper is taking such a harsh stance on this sort of thing in the first place. Messing with our rights as gamers and consumers is just the beginning of messing with our rights as free Americans. The begining of the end starts somewhere, and personally, I think that if we give in on the issue of gaming then THIS will indeed send us into a ?New Dark Age?.

Many of you know my political stance on gaming. For those that are new to my stance and haven’t figured it out by now, I STRONGLY disagree that gaming in any way is to blame for the reasons children kill each other and why wars are started. Nope, those things are started by absent-minded parenting, stupid politics, illiterate presidents and Al Quaeda (I’m sure someone out there will debate me on this one, bring it on).

Illustration by Erin Mehlos

I sincerely believe that the purchasing of games and the violent content that can be found on them, should be the responsibility of the parent. There are more parents out there that are engaged in their children’s lived than aren’t. Let those parents become the example and set the standard for these politicians and media.

The Wrap…With Cheese

Stop threatening my rights. I want to play Stranglehold, I love playing Halo 3, and I refuse to stop playing Bioshock simply because parents can’t be more involved in their children’s video game purchasing habits.

Every once in while I hear, ?My son goes to his friends house and plays violent games there. I can’t control what he does at his friends house.? Yes you can!!! You just don’t want to. You’re afraid of your child and you give in everytime they throw a fit.

You’d rather be your child’s worthless best friend then their valued parent. If you don’t think you can be this kind of parent, then take a parenting class, read a boundaries book or watch SuperNanny. Just stop blaming game developers for YOUR lack of parenting skill.

It’s YOUR fault if your child is overweight, addicted to sugar, beats kids up at school, can’t pay attention in class, the list can go on and on and there’s not enough space on this page for me to go through it. If you don’t like what I have to say, email me.

 

Honestly, I think that the world would be a much better place if we had Lord British for President and Mike Morheime for VP. Ahhh, now there’s an island worth saving!!!